From this unlovely base we launched a fantastic performance, if we say so ourselves. Afterwards, three separate women told us they would not have the confidence to do what we had done; another wanted to sign up there and then; and one gent was keen to open negotiations to buy us.
Here's what you need to know, showgirls - you're looking very fine and so is the routine. It is genuinely a pleasure to see what you have achieved in just a few hours' work spread over a few weeks. I know that there's still the odd microsecond of empty brain and blind panic that strikes, but, trust us, the moves work; the coordinated outfits look fantastic; and you are looking delicious individually and as a troupe.
Tempting though it was to dress for the part in a severe schoolmistress gown, black lisle stockings and intimidating half-moon glasses, we settled instead for our normal burlesque attire and the threat of detention. Well, apart from the Sparkly Bra Pixie who came dressed as Santa's sexy helper, complete with daft little hat and stripey socks. Perhaps it's not that surprising that the Police pull her over as she drives home after class?
However, we like to think of it this way. We're typically asked to dance at events where people are getting together to have a good time and to celebrate something. Often, those celebratory events include alcohol.
We're preparing our talented troupe for our spot in the Christmas Variety Show. The routine is coming together nicely, if we say so ourselves. Despite the fact that we'll be minus a seasoned showgirl or two on the night (we'll miss you!), we do have some delicious new girls getting ready to dance with us for the first time.
Of course, there were a few mishaps - catching the brolly spokes in the bottom of a corset; bending the poor little things noticeably out of shape (showgirls are surprisingly strong); and the odd nip in the bum caused by a failure to close the brolly BEFORE bringing it back through the legs. However, all in all, it went like a dream. And, oh, the joyous sound of all those brollies opening crisply at once. We've said it before, but it really is like hearing and seeing a flock of pink flamingos take off at once. Magical.
Coming as we did fresh from something else, we were rather more casually attired than is our showgirl habit. Ah, what the old hands tell you about never wearing anything that you haven't previously danced in is sound advice.
Our showgirls didn't let us down. They "hurred" on their brolly beguilingly; they polished the tip saucily; and they popped the brollies open through their legs right on time to the musical cue. I have to tell you, the sound of fifteen or so brollies opening smartly at once, then shutting, is like a flock of birds taking off - all very exotic and magical.
First, the Sparkly Bra Pixie forgot her dancing gear and so put together an outfit at top speed in the local discount clothes store. Sadly, she failed to spot the label on her new orange and black stripey tights which provided the crucial information that the tights are designed for children who are 6 to 8 years old.
We're still smiling after last week's class and our first steps in turning an old - and much-loved - routine designed for a dance class into a routine that will show well to an audience.
Next week we'll capitalise on that triumph and then mess about with the staging so that the routine's ready for an adoring public next year. We can't wait!
Then we had our second Saturday workshop. What a delight it was to dance again with showgirls who haven't been able to be at class for a while. And we love, love, love the mismatch between the demure steps and the shouted instructions that seem to be needed for this routine - Sergeant Major shouts of "LEFT!" and "CURTSY!". Stormtrooper burlesque - you can't beat it!
It's just three weeks until our next afternoon workshop, ladies! Half the places have already gone and we're open for bookings. Fancy joining us? We'll go over the basic showgirl moves; teach you a smouldering routine from scratch (no previous experience required!); and then there'll be cupcakes and fizz as a grand finale.
21 showgirls; a bounty of boas; a splash of fizz and a sultry, steamy, sweaty afternoon of grinds, flowers and quickies. All that was left to tell the tale were our customary feathery signature and a few cupcakes.
Having delighted the passengers on the top deck of the bus who could see a couple of us getting changed as the bus waited by the bus stop next to our window, we danced our routines to the stage; to the dartboard; to the bus stop; and, finally, to each other.
Showgirls, you're looking good - synchronised shimmies; gorgeous glove peels; fabulous floor work; and some leaning-over bum wiggles that are set to delight the crowd.
Can't wait to see you for a Showgirl Saturday, sashaying and shimmying!
However, I really must make my instructions to the troupe more elegant.
We had Lady Marmalade as our routine of choice this week and the first bit of floor work for some of our lovely new showgirls. Hard on the stiletto heels of that learning experience came another - corsets, whilst delicious, are not very forgiving when bending.
Or rather, what happens to me is that I find myself concentrating instead on our gorgeous showgirls - in all their enticing variety - and then I start thinking of moves that would look great with that perfect pair of legs, or that temptingly curved derriere, or those beautiful arms... and my brain fills itself up with future choreography...
In our dreams we would be going all Gipsy Rose Lee at this point and devising something delicious and demure with nothing more than a pair of full-length ostrich feather fans, a well-turned ankle, and a winning smile.
Ah well.
My, but it was good to be back with the showgirl posse last night, dancing our delectable routine to "Fever". This one's a demure little thing - all coy glances and "catch me" back views.
Off we went on Saturday to dance at the birthday party of one of our beautiful showgirls. Dressed in our finest we gave a delighted audience in a packed wine bar three delicious routines.
Our showgirls pony-trotted, white lightninged and wriggled gorgeously. Long evening gloves were used to devastatingly appealing effect to deliver cheeky little smacks on proffered rears. Sequinned leggings, satin corsets, skyscraper heels... we had the lot.
Thirdly, we're so proud of what our showgirls achieve in class, we want to run an end of term show so you can show your friends and family what you can do. We're currently looking at the 13th or 20th July. Troupe - do you fancy performing? If not, do you fancy coming along anyway? How many people might you bring with you? We're asking so we can start thinking now about the size of hall we'll need to book.
You can put a showgirl into a delicious corset...but that doesn't mean that all of her will obediently stay there!
Together with a foxy compere, a delicious matron, sketches, comedy, sea shanties, the lovely Glory Pearl revealing almost her all, and the brilliantly disturbing Paul Incredible abusing his anatomy, we played to a packed house of 150.
We had a lovely mix of experienced regulars and wide-eyed new showgirls come to play with us, and we filled our little hall with gorgeous women, all doing their thing in a Slow, Southern Style. It was an exceptionally promising start and we're beside ourselves with excitement waiting to see how the glove routine pans out!
Girls, you're gorgeous. Watching you dance in different directions (intentionally this time!) was a real treat. We know it's immodest even to suggest this, but, frankly,we think Saturday's punters are in for a real treat.
Bum.
For your delight and delectation we'll be launching our brand new routine, and, oh, what a little beauty it is!
Last weekend's performance at a private party was not without challenges.
We're thinking that there's an untapped market for midget burlesque. Any of you elf or pixie types who fancy getting involved, do send us a message by fieldmouse, or something, and we'll see what we can arrange for you!
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