Cor blimey, Mary Poppins!

Our current routine is a cheeky little number - all double entendre and pert innuendo. We originally launched it using rather lovely parasols as our prop. Having seen the damage that the average showgirl inflicts on these fragile things, we downgraded swiftly to children's umbrellas.

A favourite move is when, facing away from the audience, the troupe leans over slowly, takes the brolly through their open legs and "POP!", opens the brolly smartly towards the audience.

Ah, the sight of all those doe-eyed Disney characters, flashing suddenly into view between fishnetted thighs is a sight for sore eyes, we can tell you. Of course, it takes a few goes for the troupe to learn that you have to close the brolly before you can bring it back through the legs and stand up again. Once they've mistressed that, though, you get this amazing sound, like twenty teeny sails cracking in a stiff breeze at the same time, and a sudden flash of pastel colour.

We think that Mary Poppins should have added this to her repertoire of brolly moves. Who knows what nifty little outfit she may have had on underneath that severe raincoat? We reckon it would have put a smile on Bert, the chimney sweep's, face.

See you next week, showgirls, for the brolly whizz - we'll have St John's Ambulance on standby in case of over-enthusiastic take-off.

Yours, with just a spoonful of sugar,

Burlicious x