Stroker needed

A host of other commitments, holiday absences and evil bugs brought our little troupe to half its usual size last night. For our latest routine, we have our showgirls in groups of three. In one move, the middle lovely bends over slowly, rear to the audience, and the other two stroke slowly down and up the back of her legs.

"Oh," says one of our showgirls last night, having spotted that her two regular partners in sequins were absent, "who's going to stroke down my legs?"

Frankly, we can think of a long list of complete strangers who would jump at the chance of being recruited for that particular task, especially when you remember that our little hall is next to the Fire Station. However, our chances of then getting the lucky volunteer to dance the rest of the routine with us or to leave the hall afterwards are zero.

Ah well, maybe at the next performance we'll raffle that job off?

Yours, withholding treats from the masses,

Burlicious x