You shall go to the ball.... but not yet

Apologies for the loooong silence, showgirls. The fluff has been slightly taken out of our feathers by the recognition that the current Government guidelines still pretty much prevent us from returning to class.

According to our back of a stiletto calculations, the amount of floor space that we need to be able to dedicate to each showgirl means that we would be limited to having just a few of you there in any one class if we Burlicious Three were also in attendance. So that doesn't really work. 

The guidelines are also very keen on ventilation. Now, we're not sure whether the confident (and entirely natural) gale that blows through our little hall would count :-), so that is also putting our fishnets in a bit of a tangle. 

We're watching and waiting, showgirls, watching and waiting. The bugger of the current situation is that we just don't think that we can safely resume classes as things are at the moment. So, cosset those corsets, soothe those stockings, and we will be back with you when we can.

Yours, considerably under-strutted,

Burlicious x

The lockdown love handle

It is possible, just possible, that there will be a teeny bit more voluptuous flesh about our person when we meet again, Showgirls. Now, that in itself is not a problem. The challenge will come when we are finally returning to class and to the strict embrace of a corset that has languished in a drawer since March. Corset strings can only be loosened so far, after all.

Perhaps we shall recruit some burly helpers to help strongarm us, Scarlett O'Hara-like, into our boned bodices come the great relaunch of our weekly class. We can sell it as an upper body work out as well as a service to femininity.

Hmmm. We shall give thought to the PPE and social distancing ramifications.

Until then, Showgirls, blossom and thrive, blossom and thrive.

Yours, expansively,

Burlicious x

Not resting on our laurels

Tucked away in drawers and boxes are the promises of sassiness and slink to come. Satin corsets are curled up and snoozing until it is their time to snuggle up to a showgirl again. Sequins glimmer quietly until they are called once more to shine and sparkle on billowy female flesh. Shoes stand silently to attention, ready to strut. And boas wait fluffily for the call to drape and flutter, waft and caress.

We’re all waiting.

But it is not all time lost, Showgirls. As we have already announced, a new routine is 90% ready to show its saucy face to the world. A bit of creative finishing off is all that is now required. Given the current social distancing restrictions, we shall have to do that outside somewhere, but that is perfectly possible and it might delight a couple of onlookers. And we think we have identified a cracking track for the routine that will come after that.

We suspect that we may be some time away from the next Burlicious class, but we are really looking forward to being with you all again and to sharing the laughter, the beauty, the jokes, the glamour and the happy, gentle car crash-ness of dancing with you all in our funny little hall.

Until then, Showgirls, look after your beautiful selves.

Yours, ready for the relaunch,

Burlicious x

Still in the wings....

Zips that succumb slyly to gravity and undo themselves without warning.

Gloves that cling gamely to the hand and that laugh at our attempts to slide them off elegantly and with seductive promise.

Knickers that ride up.

Tights that slither down.

Heels that get caught in the lace of the other shoe (oh yes, it can be done).

Bruised knees from kneeling on unpadded chairs. 

The sheer devilment and disobedience of the average boa

Splinters.

Ah, how we miss them all. 

But most of all, showgirls, we miss the inappropriate jokes with you all; the belly laughs; the missteps; the frowns of concentration; and the sheer bloody wonder of seeing a routine come together with you all moving as one beautiful river of female flesh.

Our time together will come again. Until then, take care, be sensible, look after yourselves and others, and shine those sequins for a rapturous return.

Yours, itching to dance,

Burlicious x

The Devil makes work....

For obvious reasons, the lockdown is keeping us from being in the same physical space together. We know that there are cunning options like Zoom for online classes, but we so far have not worked out how we would manage that with three instructors for one class, spread over three locations. And, it must be said, a big part of what we do is the camaraderie, the intimacy and the daftness that is created when we are all together, skipping about in our drawers, in our little hall. We're not sure that that would translate to an online experience... but we might be wrong.

We are thinking about how to manage long-distance choreography in the interim. We have some ideas, but we also have the delicious spanner in the works that is the Voluptuous Jules. She only has to be near a piece of technology for it to swoon and die. We might try doing something with her disguised in a full Hazmat suit.

However, on the upside, we are doing a bit of musical housework for when we return. So, my lovelies, if you can think of tracks that would be good for our warm up sashaying, let us know. Of course, if you can think of tracks that might work for the routine after next, we would also be delighted to hear about them.

It is, it must be said, harder than it looks. We've danced to an eclectic collection of tunes over the years including Lady Marmalade, Pink Pussycat, I Put a Spell on You, Glory Box, Black Velvet and our reliable crowd pleaser, Nasty Naughty Boy. The best ones are slower than you imagine, and they develop and go somewhere as the track progresses. They also have different sections so it's not the same thing all the way through. And we LOVE the ones that are powerful/sassy/smoky cafe and rather blowsy in flavour with some strong and definite beats.

Over to you, Showgirls! Rifle through those playlists and let us know what you come up with.

Yours, diamante headphones at the ready,

Burlicious x

We will sparkle again

In these grey, Burlicious-empty, days we bring you tidings of future fun and frivolity.

Working like the clappers, we were able to get about 90% of a new routine designed before the lockdown began. Of course, that was a while ago now and we do recognise that it will be a challenge to remember it when we are next allowed to get together :-).  We didn't quite get to the stage where we had captured it on film and so we will be entirely reliant on my scribbled notes when choreography begins again.

There is something reassuringly hilarious about standing in the kitchen with my partners in sequins, peering together at my notes, and trying to work out how the flippin' heck they can possibly relate to a danceable reality.

More and more we think that this is the show that we should put on for the world at large - a glimpse of the creative process behind our finished triumphs of movement and sass. If you could see the Voluptuous Jules being distracted by a passing pigeon as she smoulders past the fridge, neatly avoiding the worktop; or the Sparkly Bra Pixie flailing her legs in a suggested move and then being felled by cramp or an inner tweaking; or me stamping about swearing because I have fecked it up YET AGAIN...you would laugh your stilettos off.

Missing you all, Showgirls. Here's to the future relaunch of raunch and hilarity.

Yours, thinking creative thoughts,

Burlicious x

Bowing out for now

A cracking class romped to a close last night with the Sparkly Bra Pixie taking up the self-appointed role of Buttock Lady. Demonstrating the usefulness of the fully-engaged buttock to power us back up off the floor in this particular routine, she struck a mistressful pose in her heeled boots and her clingy lycra.

Yeah. We know. We could sell shares in this experience :-). In fact, sometimes we have!

And that, Showgirls, is where we will have to leave Burlicious for the time being.

Yes, we are folding up our fishnets; boxing up our boas; stashing away our satins and sequins; and gathering up our gloves for the duration.

We're pretty glum about it, it must be said. We'll miss our weekly bit of mental floss and daft nonsense with you lot. We'll miss seeing you put beautiful flesh onto our dance designs. We'll miss watching you grow over time in confidence and skill at strutting your lovely stuff in a Burlicious style. A little bit of sparkle has just gone out of the week.

Ah well, we have a cunning plan to do a bit of choreography while classes are on ice. Hopefully, when class is able to reopen, we will have a little gem of a thing to share with you.

Take care, Showgirls. Look after you, your loved ones, and those around you. We'll let you know when we relaunch the weekly raunch.


Yours, temporarily as flat as a pancake,

Burlicious x

No class tomorrow

Showgirls, our little hall will be out of action tomorrow. Next class will therefore be Weds 4th March when we will launch a fresh routine.

Yours, tapping our stilettos in frustration :-) ,


Burlicious x

Time off for bad behaviour

Yes, another half term holiday beckons, ushered in by the completion last night of our last class dancing this particular routine.

And, my, how good the finished article looks!

We began last night in comfy jumpers; snuggly PJs (or, at least, snuggly home slouching trousers) and fuelled by a feisty catch up about which third parties had conspired against some of us to generally b*gger up our day. Those raw ingredients quickly turned into a rather lovely Busby Berkeley-esque swishing about of showgirls, as we completed the routine and then had fun messing around with the staging.

We had some showgirls (intentionally) dancing the routine in mirror image, threading carefully between others who were dancing it in the original direction at the same time. We started showgirls off at different times, weaving them in as the dance developed. And we danced the whole thing facing each other in a circle, so that each of us could see what it looks like.

Yes, there was a small pile up when there was a different interpretation as to the direction in which that circle should be spinning, but it genuinely would not be us if we didn't have at least one cobweb-removing; face-aching; delighted sharing of laughter as the routine gently unravels around us.

No class next week, Showgirls. Next class is 26th Feb when we will start a fresh routine. Those of you who want to start from scratch with us, that's your best chance!

Yours, properly perked up now for the second half of the week,

Burlicious x

The "two soups?" troupe

Sometimes when we're dancing, the brain gets a tad overloaded, the message fails to reach the feet in time, and it all goes a bit awry.

The current routine is a thing of relative simplicity. There's a lot of walking about nicely, and each of the moves is straightforward by itself. However, there is a fair bit of changing direction. And, if you don't set off on the correct foot each time that that happens, it all goes very pear-shaped.

Witness the glorious, juddering, uncertain steps taken by some of the troupe this week. The right foot sets off in a certain direction. A split second later, the brain shrieks: "No! LEFT!!" The right foot snaps back and the left starts to set off instead, sometimes to be swiftly recalled for another go on the right.

Now, those of you who loved Acorn Antiques by Wood and Walters will have seen something very similar to this before in the tottering, uncertain, off balance, progress that Mrs Overall makes across the room with her tray loaded with spillables and her body feinting first in this direction and then the other. When our showgirls unintentionally do much the same mid-routine, it's comedy gold. We bloomin' well love it.

So, here's to Mrs Overall burlesque, showgirls - we shall positively shine at this.

Yours, wondering about the pinny and the lisle stockings,

Burlicious x

Beasted and bested by the boa

The feather boa is an ill-disciplined thing.

It sticks to the back of one’s neck at the merest hint of perspiration.

It attaches the feathers that it has shed to one’s fishnets – always at the back so that they waggle away, blissfully out of one’s view.

It grips fingers like a constrictor, twirling itself tightly around them, seconds before the boa is due to be cast exuberantly off and away.

And it refuses, gleefully, to fall where it should when removed and thrown to the floor.

It is, it must be said, a brilliantly funny sight to see a showgirl trying repeatedly to kick away discretely a boa that has wrapped itself firmly around a heel or ankle or wedged itself in a shoe buckle. Watching this happen in class on Wednesday, I was reminded of the furtive little foot shoves and foot shakes that one gives to a small and randy dog who is intent on mating with one’s leg and whose owners just don’t care.

Needless to say, the boa in question was unrepentant.

Yours, at the mercy of our props,

Burlicious x

A banging good time

It's fair to say that we bloomin' well love our sessions with the WI... and our evening with the fabulous ladies of the Faversham Gunpowder WI was no exception.

In a beautiful setting, and in typical Burlicious fashion, we shimmied our groove thang for them and then invited them to join us in learning the first part of our version of Lady Marmalade.

You gotta love every one of 'em. They took to it like a duck to water. Feathers were fluffed; stuff was strutted; street walking was perfected; and sass was everywhere in abundance. And, most importantly of all, the whole thing was an absolute hoot.

And then it was time for tea and delicious cake. Heaven.

You were brilliant, Showgirls - up for it in the best possible way. Thank you for letting us share your evening.

Yours, loving what we do,

Burlicious x

Paddling like fury underneath the surface

Over the years we have choreographed a range of delicious, Burlicious dance routines. We have triumphant, strutting ones; sexy ones; smouldering, sensual and secretive ones; sassy ones; bouncy, cheeky ones; suggestive ones; sort of retro or vintage ones; and ones in which our tongue is firmly in our cheek.

The routine that we reprised in class last night is a positively genteel little number. Think showgirls from the Folies Bergere (sadly, without those amazing costumes), doing a lot of very nice walking about with some ladylike twirls and knee bobs.

Well, that’s the idea.

In practice, it does acquire a slightly more informal feel to it when we are teaching it as it all gets a bit more random. And the Sergeant Major-style yelling of “slide, BOB, slide, BOB!” is a smidge at war with the elegant, gliding, swans-on-the-surface appearance that we are after. And that’s before we even get to our favourite bit where we know we will be shouting “CURTSEY!!!” at the very top of our corseted little lungs, half scaring our showgirls off their heels as they skip about having set off on the wrong foot 😊.

All in an evening’s crafting of beauty, Showgirls, all in the crafting of beauty.

Yours, itching to acquire second-hand feathered headdresses,

Burlicious x

A chaos of chorus girls

OK, so we accept that it is three weeks since we last danced the current routine.

And, December being the social whirl that it is, most of our showgirls missed at least one or two classes before term ended – so there are chunks of the routine that they have never been taught.

And we Burlicious Three have three other routines in our head at the moment as we have been rehearsing this week for a performance next week. There is, it must be admitted, a bit of confusion creeping in for us between routines as a result.

Even so, last night our final class for teaching this routine soared to new highs of delightful, feathery, thigh-slapping, bum-smacking chaos!

Our showgirls were not aided by the fact that they are being led from the front by me and that that I went a bit unintentionally “freestyle” in places. Nor did it help tremendously that we had to canter through it all so that we can start a new routine next week. But, oh, how we love them for gamely strutting their stuff regardless!

We always say that we love it every bit as much when we b*gger it up as when the troupe dances in perfect, delicious synchronicity. Last night was a tad more the former than the latter, and it was a hoot.

Thank you, showgirls, for another night of giggles and daftness 😊.

Yours, smiling in anticipation of next week,

Burlicious x